It is worthwhile to read the post prior to this one to see how the Lord's ways are not quite so mysterious.
It is still Thursday evening. I had just finished the last post ending with
"At the end of my shift, I went up to the Celestial Room. After feeling such a sweet Spirit I wanted to spend some time reflecting and in prayer in that beautiful space. Many tears streamed as I felt overwhelmed with gratitude for my life and the experiences and blessings I have been given. Oh how I wonder how in the world I will ever be worthy enough to have received so much abundance!"
After walking into the kitchen and setting my phone down on the counter it started to ring. I recognized the number of a brother from our bishopric. Quickly my mind thought, I just spoke in church so he wouldn't be asking me to do that again so soon and I was just released from my Young Women's calling last Sunday and was just planning on having two callings instead of three for a while which was to continue to serve in the Temple and to be my neighborhood emergency preparedness coordinator, so I thought there is no way they would be asking me to do another calling so soon.
So with not a care in the world I answered the call. It was about 8:22pm. The brother on the other end said, "oh I didn't think you would answer the call this late". To which I replied "how old do you think I am?" and we chuckled. He said, I am calling to extend you a new calling. Of course my mind was thinking, you have got to be kidding me!
Now this is where my natural man comes into play, if you had read the post prior to this one, I go on and on about how serving in the church is a privilege and not a responsibility and we should be grateful for the opportunity. Let's just say it is not always first instinct to practice what you preach!!!
I am still very human, and it was very apparent this evening.
I was really in shock that they were asking me to serve in another calling so soon since part of the reason I was being released from YW was due to time constraints coming up in the next year that would make it hard for me to serve in the three callings I had.
I told the brother of the bishopric I would pray about it and let him know. He requested I just let him know soon, atleast before Sunday.
So of course I called my mom to share my shock from the request and vent, quite frankly,... natural man strikes again!
Oh and by the way the new calling I was to accept was Gospel Doctrine Teacher.
So obviously, my natural man came up with plenty of reasons why I should not accept this invitation.
1st- In my mind, I am most definitely the least qualified person in our ward for this calling. I am not a scriptorian. I couldn't tell you a scripture reference to save my life off the top of my head. Do I love the scriptures, Yes, absolutely. But my memory is so horrible and I only remember different bits and pieces that have stood out over the years. And I have heard many people in our Sunday School class share deep insights into the scriptures that I have never known or had before. And let's just say there are a few past mission presidents in our class and others who have lived much much longer than me, and have had way more life experience that me, and so much more knowledge to give than I do.
2nd-I have never had this calling before. I have had many teaching callings in primary, young womens, relief society, and an adult gospel principles class, which I loved. I do enjoy teaching in all honesty, but this is a whole nother level which I do not feel qualified in the least. What could I possibly teach these people?
3rd- This year's Come Follow Me content will be on the Old Testament of the Bible. I have never read it through from back to back. I have read extensive parts of the New Testament, oh how I love the New Testament, but the Old Testament is pretty foreign to me.
So after my natural man took the podium, my Spirit decided it was its turn in this debate: (sometimes I picture the shoulder angels from The Emporer's New Groove (my favorite animated movie))
A-Where much is given, much is required
B-Didn't you just ask in prayer in the temple to have the Lord help you to do His will and not your own and to know how it is He can use you to help others?
C-Didn't you just have a lesson on how having a calling is a privilege and not an obligation?
D-Didn't you just recognize in your last journal entry "how on earth will I ever be worthy enough to have received so much abundance?"
The answer was so blaringly obvious, of course, I would accept this calling and unfortunately it was still a bit begrudingly and since I am so hard headed, the Lord clearly knew I needed one last nudge.
Since last conference in October I have been cycling through all of the Conference Talks in order before going to bed. "Conveniently" the next talk I would be reading before I fell asleep was the talk by Elder Ballard.
“Lovest Thou Me More Than These?”
After starting into the talk, it was very clear, that there really was no coincidence that this was what I was supposed to read tonight. That the Lord was talking directly through this talk to me, and he truly wanted to know "Lovest Thou Me More Than These". Of course my heart was softened. How could it not be when the first line I read was "What things can you do within your own life to show that you love the Lord first?"
It goes on to say
"Relating this question to ourselves in our day, the Lord may be asking us about how busy we are and about the many positive and negative influences competing for our attention and our time. He may be asking each of us if we love Him more than the things of this world. This may be a question about what we really value in life, who we follow, and how we view our relationships with family members and neighbors. Or maybe He is asking what really brings us joy and happiness.
Do the things of this world bring us the joy, happiness, and peace that the Savior offered to His disciples and that He offers to us? Only He can bring us true joy, happiness, and peace through our loving Him and following His teachings.
How would we answer the question “Lovest thou me more than these?”
and further down the talk
"Last October, President Russell M. Nelson taught us the importance of putting Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ first in our lives. President Nelson taught us that one meaning of the word Israel is “let God prevail.”
He asked each of us these questions: “Are you willing to let God prevail in your life? Are you willing to let God be the most important influence in your life? Will you allow His words, His commandments, and His covenants to influence what you do each day? Will you allow His voice to take priority over any other? Are you willing to let whatever He needs you to do take precedence over every other ambition? Are you willing to have your will swallowed up in His?”
We must always remember that our true happiness depends upon our relationship with God, with Jesus Christ, and with each other."
This talk was clearly what my natural man side needed to hear so that physical me could allow my Spirit to progress. What powerful and impactful words said by our Prophet and this clearly was one of my tests. Was I really willing to let God prevail in my life? Was I willing to allow His voice to take priority over any other and whatever He needs to take precedence over every other ambition?
Of course there was no longer any point in delaying. At 10:04pm, I texted the bishopric brother to let him know I would accept the calling.
So I guess in "closing" sometimes the mysteries of the Lord are not so mysterious. We really can't expect to receive our blessings for nothing. Where much is given, much is required, but we really are always given 10 fold of what we put in. I am grateful for this new calling that will once again help me to learn and grow in my life.
And I keep telling myself, it's ok if I don't know everything, that is not my job. My job is to be a facilitator. A facilitator of discussion, of learning, but most importantly the Spirit. If I have learned anything in my last 18 years of callings, it is that "I can do all things through Christ which strengthened me."(Philippians 4:13) So I have no need to fear how inadequate I am for the task.
On a lighter note my mom sent me the below quote as also a great friendly, funny reminder to always keep my lessons within the time I am given. LOL
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