Indecisiveness

Events from: Wednesday February 2, 2022. I was about to board a flight in a few hours to go to Florida with my mom and sisters. My mom was already at the condo we would be staying at and my sisters and I were taking a redeye out to meet her there. Since I have made a goal to go to the temple once a week this year and because I would not be going to my shift this coming Saturday, I had made an appointment at the temple to do an a Endowment session on Tuesday, February 1. Well that time had rolled around on Tuesday and I just didn't feel well enough to go and thought, I will just cancel and go tomorrow before my flight. So I did just that and scheduled myself for the 6pm session. Thinking, I will be home by 8 pm and then will have enough time to catch my flight. 

Well Wednesday rolls around and I was hit with a ton of work that I needed to get accomplished before I left for my trip. All of these things I had been waiting on came in at the same time, which was great because I didn't want to have to do them on my vacation, but it was becoming more and more apparent that the quantity of work and time it would take I would need just about every minute before my flight left. 

I started to think, I am just going to have to stay here and work(from home) and skip my temple appointment. 

The truth is that I actually had already picked out the name I was going to take a few days prior. One of Henry's extended family members on his Becker line where I had done all other ordinances prior for her starting with her baptism. I felt a connection to this relative because of this. The last time I had done work for her was back in 2019, so I know she had been waiting a long time for me to complete her Endowment work. 

So I was starting to feel guilty because I felt like she really wanted me to do her work. I rationalized in my own mind, "I will just do it when I come back from my trip."

I decided to say a prayer and see if the Holy Ghost would give me any guidance. I asked if it was ok that I stayed and got my work done, or if I needed to go to the temple. The answer was clear "I want you to go to the temple." 

Although it was clear, I didn't want to believe it. I kept thinking how will I get this work accomplished if I go to the temple? Still finish packing and make it in time for my flight?

I called Hen and asked him what his impression was, should I go to the temple or should I keep working.  I guess I was hoping he was going to tell me that I should make work my priority and stay and finish it. 

He paused on the phone for a few moments and then said. "I think you should go to the temple."

Tears started to swell in my eyes. The fact that Henry received the same prompting I did cemented that I needed to go. 

So I saved my work, got ready to go to the temple and left. 

I had some very tender spiritual experiences at the temple that night. By the time I made it to the celestial room, the strength of the spirit I felt overwhelmed my emotions and I sat in Hen's favorite chair literally sobbing almost uncontrollably. The trouble with sobbing in the celestial room is that it is important not to make a single sound because of the reverent atmosphere that is kept there. So trying to hold in sound while you are sobbing is not an easy task. My chest literally ached from the pressure.

For once, I was grateful for my mask that hid what I am sure was ugly crying. Uncontrolled tears streamed down my face for probably 15 minutes. 

I am sure if you have been reading many of my posts, you will think this is typical, since I do cry alot when I am moved by the spirit, but I have not sobbed like this since the first time I went through the temple back in 2004. So this was very unexpected and not ordinary for me to be so emotional.

As I sat there completely at peace as the tears slowed, I felt like I could sit there forever. I didn't want to leave. But somehow I got the energy to get up and go home.

After getting home I had approx 2 hours to get ready before leaving for the airport. Work that would have normally taken 4 hours, I was able to get done in 2 hours. 

My older sister texted me and said she was sitting in the Delta Lounge and asked if I was there yet. I said, I haven't even left the house yet. 

I was trying to get every last thing packed and work finished before leaving. 

Everything worked out. All of my work was accomplished and I got to the airport in plenty of time.

I am sooo grateful that the Holy Ghost forgives my stubbornness for not listening the first time and that he also directed Hen's thoughts so that I would do what was most important. 

I am so grateful for temples. I am so grateful for family history and the opportunity I have to be apart of it.