Forgiveness

D&C 64:10 "I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men."

I don't know about the rest of you, but for some reason this has always been a really hard commandment for me. 

When I have been hurt or even worse, when others who I love have been hurt, it has been so hard not to hold grudges against those individuals and let things go and truly forgive them. 

I believe real forgiveness doesn't come in the form of just thinking "I forgive that person", but in literally in a change of heart and not holding it against them. I feel like I have gotten much better over the years of in my mind "forgiving" others, but it is the second part that I have really struggled with. To actually treat that person as if the hurt never happened. Now I don't believe anyone in an abusive situation should stay in that situation simply by forgiving that person over and over. I truly believe we are allowed to remove ourselves from situations that cause us harm and can still forgive that person.

What I am referring to is my mental struggle with forgiving people to the point of not holding it against them in my mind whenever I think of that person. 

So maybe your response is, well then you haven't forgiven them at all. But I think forgiveness is kind of like an onion and there are multiple layers and steps. 

The progress that I feel I have made with forgiveness is when I let go of the hate in my heart for that individual. The next step is to be able to pray for that individual.

We are taught in Matthew 5:44

"But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;"

Maybe this step is easier for others than it is for me. To truly pray for those that have harmed me or my loved ones. But I am working on it. 

This week as I was reading one of the recent general conference talks, I had a light bulb moment. 

It is going to be difficult for me to articulate this very well, but I am going to try.

No matter how many times I have heard or known that our Saviors atonement covers our hurt and sin, and known that it covers not only my hurt and sin by everyone else's as well, the Holy Ghost shared with my mind a few thoughts and metaphors. 

First, my mind thought about a person's body who had been covered in bullet holes and shrapnel. But this was not in a bloody sense, but in an emotional sense, that while this persons Spirit had been hit with so much hurt and injustice over the years and had accumulated these wounds, the Savior's Atonement literally covered every wound and made it whole. His love was like a Spiritual coating and the Holy Ghost explained to my mind that because the Savior has Atoned for all sins including the sins of those who have wronged us, there doesn't need to be a second payment for that sin. And this goes the same for me. Those sins where I have wronged others that I have held as guilt in my heart for years upon years, not forgiving myself for, the price has already been paid for. 

In many lessons and thoughts I have had about my life, I have determined that regret is one of the worst things you can have. Because we can't get time back, we don't get do overs. There are so many things I would love to do over. And I have always thought about how awful I feel about regrets in my life. 

But with this new personal revelation I have learned that my regrets, those situations that I can't redo, don't matter. Because I have repented for them, the Savior has truly paid the price for my regrets. The Savior has truly paid the price for those that have harmed me and my loved ones. The person who harmed me does not have to pay a second price. 

The second image that was brought to my mind was of me standing and the Savior standing in front of me looking at me and the person who had harmed me or my loved one standing behind the Savior. The image of the Savior completely blocked my view of the person behind him. 

It was like the Holy Ghost was showing me how to forgive my enemies. Focus on the Savior, whatever happened is in the past and whether that person is sorry, or even knows they wronged you doesn't matter because his Atonement has already paid the price. 

Another helpful piece of advice I have heard over the years. Is if you want to forgive someone then pray to feel the love our Heavenly Father and Savior has for that person. 

I truly believe that we must forgive. I know working at the temple has helped me get a little better at this every day. Because we must forgive if we are to be forgiven. And we can't expect anything else. 

D&C 82:1 "Verily, verily, I say unto you, my servants, that inasmuch as you have forgiven one another your trespasses, even so I, the Lord, forgive you."

I know I am not perfect on any level and have harmed others intentionally and unintentionally in the past and know I must forgive in order to be forgiven myself. I am just grateful the Lord does not expect me to be perfect overnight and is continually helping me to overcome my weaknesses.

One of my most favorite scriptures is Ether 12:27 "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."

I have felt this scripture ring true in my life so many times. I have felt the Lord help me overcome my weaknesses and I have seen my heart change. 

These personal revelations I had recently have done so much in my understanding how I can forgive others and myself because our Savior truly has already paid the price. And we must not let that price have been paid in vain by holding onto grudges and withholding forgiveness that in the end, only hurts our own Spirits.

I am not sure if I was able to articulate my experience but if you are ever struggling with forgiveness, I hope something here will be of use to you.

This is the excerpt from the conference talk that stood out to me:

With the Power of God in Great Glory by Elder David A Bednar

"I witnessed the righteousness and power of God in great glory, received through faithfulness to covenants and ordinances, in the life of a Church member who experienced the heartache of divorce. This sister’s spiritual and emotional distress was heightened by a sense of unfairness associated with her spouse’s violation of covenants and the breakup of their marriage. She wanted justice and accountability.

As this faithful woman was struggling with all that had happened to her, she studied and pondered the Savior’s Atonement more intently and intensely than ever before in her life. Gradually, a deeper understanding of Christ’s redemptive mission distilled upon her soul—His suffering for our sins and also for our pains, weaknesses, disappointments, and anguish. And she was inspired to ask herself a penetrating question: since the price already has been paid for those sins, would you demand that the price be paid twice? She realized that such a requirement would be neither just nor merciful.

This woman learned that binding herself to the Savior through covenants and ordinances can heal the wounds caused by another person’s unrighteous exercise of moral agency and enabled her to find the capacity to forgive and receive peace, mercy, and love."

Link to Full Talk