This was a picture I took on my way to the temple today. I may be all smiles because I am truly excited to be heading to my happy place. but my mind and heart felt weighed down as I thought about my weaknesses and inadequacies. I am not perfect, I am so far from perfect, in fact, but I know that I have made progress from where I once was. There is a level of worthiness required to go into our sacred temples and sometimes it can feel like we are falling shorter than we want to be. I said a prayer before entering the temple for forgiveness for my sins and weaknesses and gratitude for patience that the Lord must have with me every day that I continue to fall short. I prayed that I may be able to focus my mind in the temple and not be distracted by my earthly faults.
After entering our weekly prayer meeting, our shift coordinator announced that she could not stay long because her father at that very moment was on hospice and passing away from Covid. Instantly a wave of the Spirit and compassion came over that room and there wasn't a dry eye as sisters we were so sad that our fellow sister was going through this heart wrenching time.
I thought about my own Dad. How grateful I am that he is still here and healthy.
Then the sister from the temple presidency shared with us something one of our dear apostles had shared at a regional conference that day. His words were "I know Him, I know His Face", in reference to Jesus Christ. Once again I felt the Spirit speak to my heart that these words were true. I know our Prophets and Apostles have interactions with our Savior Jesus Christ because they are considered Special Witnesses of him, but because of the personal and sacred nature of these interactions, they are unable to openly talk about them.
Then the sister leading our discussion today asked the Sisters to share about women in the scriptures that have impressed them or stood out to them. One sister shared the story of the woman at the well. The story can be found in John 4 of the New Testament. Link to John 4
When the woman asked Jesus why He, a Jew, was asking her to get him a drink, this was His response:
"Jesus answered and said unto her, Whosoever drinketh of this water shall thirst again:
But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life."
In this chapter in John we learn that this particular woman was a Samaritan who would normally not have anything to do with the Jews. We also learn that she has had 5 husbands and the man she was currently with was not her husband. And what is beautiful about this story, is that the Savior wanted to teach her anyway and teach her and us that He is the Living Water. At that moment her sins did not make her any less valued or worthy to hear his counsel, or any less worthy to be serving him water.
The sister leading our discussion reminded us that our Father in Heaven and Savior Jesus Christ love us no matter the mistakes we make. Their love for us will never change. And we are all valued just like this woman at the well no matter what mistakes we have or how much we fall short.
As I am writing up this journal entry this quote from Elder Holland came to my mind and as a great reminder.
"Of course, we are speaking here of the first great commandment given to the human family—to love God wholeheartedly, without reservation or compromise, that is, with all our heart, might, mind, and strength. This love of God is the first great commandment in the universe. But the first great truth in the universe is that God loves us exactly that way—wholeheartedly, without reservation or compromise, with all of His heart, might, mind, and strength. "
I felt the Spirit strongly softening my heart to not be so hard on myself on my mistakes after this discussion with the other sisters. I felt like this lesson was exactly what I needed to hear today.
Today I was assigned to the 2nd floor assisting sisters to perform ordinances for those who were deceased by proxy. As one sister entered the room, the Spirit became very apparent. At this time I did not know why, as tears streamed silently down her checks, and then muffled sobs began as she was overwhelmed with the Spirit and emotions. The other sister and I couldn't help but also feel emotional as we were grateful to be able to serve this sister this day. After completing the ceremony, she confided in us that the name she had brought that day was the birth mother of her daughter that was murdered several years ago. What a powerful experience to have been able to bring such beautiful blessings to this Spirit that had passed and I could personally feel the love this Spirit had and gratitude for this sister that was not only taking care of her daughter but also gratitude for her performing those ordinances for her. It is amazing how learning about others struggles truly changes your perspective and changes your focus. I was so grateful for the opportunity to have helped those two sisters in some small way today, that probably is really not small at all.
For my nightly reading once again, "conveniently", the next talk I would read was one of my favorites from last conference titled "Worthiness is not Flawlessness". Which clearly was the theme of the day and once again I felt the Lord wanted to give me one last reminder that it is ok that I am not perfect as long as I am trying.
I love these quotes from this talk:
"Some mistakenly receive the message that they are not worthy to participate fully in the gospel because they are not completely free of bad habits. God’s message is that worthiness is not flawlessness. Worthiness is being honest and trying. We must be honest with God, priesthood leaders, and others who love us, and we must strive to keep God’s commandments and never give up just because we slip up.
Elder Bruce C. Hafen said that developing a Christlike character “requires patience and persistence more than it requires flawlessness.” The Lord has said the gifts of the Spirit are “given for the benefit of those who love me and keep all my commandments, and him that seeketh so to do.”
"Being honest about your actions and taking steps to move forward is not being a hypocrite. It is being a disciple.”
This talk also shares the story about a Brother who battled a pornography addiction. When this Brother realized that after continuing to mess up but making small improvements "He realized God was not up there saying, "Damon blew it again." Instead, He was probably saying, “Look how far Damon has come.” This young man finally stopped looking down in shame or looking sideways for excuses and rationalizations. He looked up for divine help, and he found it."
"Elder D. Todd Christofferson has counseled: “To deal with something [very] big, we may need to work at it in small, daily bites. … Incorporating new and wholesome habits into our character or overcoming bad habits or addictions [most] often means an effort today followed by another tomorrow and then another, perhaps for many days, even months and years. … But we can do it because we can appeal to God … for the help we need each day.”
I so love this last quote, it reminds me of the scripture "line upon line" in that incorporating new better habits in small daily bites will eventually bring about the change we are seeking with the help of our Father in Heaven. He does not expect us to be perfect overnight. In fact, he expects us to have weaknesses so that we may lean on him to overcome them as he reminds in Ether 12:27 (one of my all time favorite scriptures)
"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."
After Hen got home from work we talked for a long time and listened to Elder Bruce R. McConkie's final testimony. He has also shares of being a Special Witness of our Savior Jesus Christ.
No comments:
Post a Comment